Teh Car Blogz

The further along we got in our trip (which wound up being around 4800 miles round-trip - a long time to spend in a car!) the more I realized the importance of roadside attractions in the upper midwest. You see, driving through states like Montana, Wyoming, and South Dakota - states that a lot of people refer to as “fly-over states,” as in lots of people fly over them but no one lives there - there is literally NOTHING on the highway. Just cornfield after cornfield, with a sprinkle of truckstops, Indian Reservations and weird stuff. So when you’ve been on the road forever and see a sign for a roadside museum or attraction, you’ll probably stop - just to alleviate the boredom of being in I-90 in the middle of a bunch of cornfields for hours on end!

Now sometimes these roadside attractions amount to little more than someone’s garage stuffed full of crap. Sometimes you strike gold. I was lucky enough on this trip to find two very good ones - the museum of military vehicles shown earlier, as well as this auto museum that is literally in the middle of nowhere in South Dakota. It’s in a town called Murdo, which is in southern central South Dakota just off of I-80.

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I was on my way to class the other day when i spotted this parked next to a curb on campus at UNC Chapel Hill. I so rarely see them that I figured it warranted a few pictures. It’s an early-90’s Subaru SVX, known in it’s native Japan as the Alcyone SVX. It was the replacement for the unsellable but loveably strange XT coupe of the 80’s - the one that looks like a door wedge, has a one-spoke steering wheel, electrohydraulic steering and some bizarre adjustable ride height feature. Coming from that perspective, I suppose the SVX was a bit normal. Compared to most cars, though…

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One of the most rewarding experiences you can have while driving a car is attacking a truly challenging piece of tarmac. At least, that’s my opinion. Some people get their jollies from heads-up drag races. That’s interesting once; then the result is the same every time if your technique is any good. Revs up, drop clutch, spin tires lightly, hold till redline, clutch and shift, rinse, repeat, snore. Great, your Mustang runs 13.1 seconds in the quarter mile.

But a good road is different every time you go down it. On a long curvy piece of tarmac, there is an infinite number of permutations as to how you can take it, what line to follow, how late to brake and which gears to use. On a truly good road, a better driver in a slower car will beat a mediocre driver in a more capable car every time. That’s why I love a good road. Plus, lateral g-forces are more fun that frontal.

The question then becomes: what exactly is the best conveyance to fling yourself down that favorite backroad like your hair’s on fire? The answer: there is no answer. Like the cat-skinning question (as an aside: who would want to skin a cat? That’s just mean. I love cats) there are many answers.

1) With A Scalpel

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When a manufacturer releases their latest and greatest innovation on society, they usually pump it up with great fanfare, a huge advertising budget, and all the hoopala they can possibly drum up. Sometimes it works, sometimes it’s completely unnecessary (VW sold out the entire US allotment of 5,000 first-generation R32’s without spending a dime on advertising), and sometimes it just doesn’t make a difference to the fact that the car they’re selling is complete, unmitigated crap. Hey, it happens. Just ask Ford:

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One thing I’ve noticed about car magazines in the US (besides the boring ones like Consumer Reports) is that above anything, they like to emphasize acceleration as a defining characteristic of a car’s worth. It’s not hard to notice. On the front cover of the latest Car and Driver, they have a few headlines. The big one proclaims “The Fast Lane!: BMW 135i, 0-60 4.7s.” Further down there’s “Nissan GT-R 0-60 3.3.” At the bottom, in small font is “The Slow Lane: Smart ForTwo, 0-60 14.4s.”

Let me be the first one to say: Who gives a shit how fast a Smart Car gets to sixty miles an hour? No one’s going to be drag-racing from light to light in their Smart. A Smart is an economical fashion accessory, like a Swatch (imagine that!) It’s a conversation piece. It’s the new Prius. The only people racing smarts are the ones with Smartuki conversions, so all three of them. The 0-60 time on a Smart is about as relevant as the fuel efficiency of a dump truck.
But this is America, where we have (comparatively) cheap gas, the roads are wide and straight, and if you’re not going 80 on the highway, you’re getting run over. So magazines shout about how fast a car can reach 60 - which is a pretty arbitrary number.

There are a lot of fast cars out there. But let me let you in on a secret: some of them really, truly suck.

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Editor’s Note: This is the second part of an article I intended to finish a few weeks ago. I got distracted. It happens.

Moving along in the dream garage, we come to an absolutely crucial choice:

6) 1995 Volvo 850 T-5R Estate

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Yes, the return of the car with a really long name. The perennial rally boy special is now decidedly upmarket. Now equipped with so many letters, your head will spin. WRX, STI, SI-Drive, DCCD, VDC, AWD, EBD, DAVCS, TPMS, DRL, ABS, HID, LED, BBS, and a partridge in a pear tree to boot. In reality these systems work very well together for a seamless driving experience…

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While I would love to write a very Jeremy Clarkson-esque piece on power and why old cars are boring, I won’t. Not because I disagree, but simply because I realize power is meaningless when stuck sitting in a soul sapping surround of gridlocked traffic. In this light, my dream car garage tries to balance street-ability, fun, and hoonage. I admit it is difficult, but I’ll give it a whirl. While we would all love smoke whirling and billowing from the rear tires of our very own dream car it is not practical, so here is my mix of brilliant engineering and old school muscle.

1.) B5 S4 Avant

2.7T Dolphin grey 6 speed with black leather interior. Engine modified with K04/20’s, 650cc injectors, water injection, OFE Southbend clutch, new boost tubing, radiator, and stealthy exhaust. Tinted tails and RS-4 front bumper riding on BBS gunmetal RC wheels and F&K suspension with Porsche 4 piston calipers front and rear. Equipped with front mount intercooler the car will boost 25psi and make 450 horsepower. Perfect for hauling some ass through the twisties, cruising on the highway, or hauling some lumber this car is good looking and quick to boot…

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Editor’s note: Today I am introducing tehcarblogz’ first guest writer, the infamous Patrick Hodges. Patrick is a man of many talents and opinions, and a genuine Grade A USDA Certified hoon behind the wheel of… well, anything. He’ll be writing a regular column here. If you want to get in touch with him, fire an email off to hexadec0079@yahoo.com. Enjoy his writing and thanks for visiting!

-James

Words: Patrick Hodges

The 6 W’s

Who~ Let me introduce myself on these hallowed pages. I am a car nerd. I love anything peculiar with an engine and wheels. German, Japanese, or even (gasp) American. My love for the automobile goes to primal and almost spiritual level. You try driving a Ferrari without invoking some spiritual figure and then you can declare yourself as car crazy as me. I am twenty-something working in the car industry as a Service Advisor. I have a history as Salesman, have driven on the track, and wrenched my own cars. I have some perspective on the whole Automotive and try to be honest when I drive cars.

What~ Cars. Anything with a motor and wheels to be more accurate. Karts, lawnmowers, ATV, trucks, bikes, and boats if the mood strikes me.

When~ Sometime in the early 21st century.

Where~ Raleigh, North Carolina

Why~ There in lies the rub. Why is an eternal search, rather than mere question. The simplest answer I can provide is for escape. Some people scrapbook, I do donuts, powerslides, and e-brake turns.

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