Teh Car Blogz

I almost forgot to share this slightly depressing automotive experience from the Great American Road Trip with you all! Shame on me. These photos were taken in charming Grand Island, Nebraska - which is neither Grand, nor a freaking Island. Oh well. All four of these weird cars were sitting at the local “u park it, u sell it” location… which I love.

This shot shows all four masterpieces, sitting and rotting away. From left to right: an MGB-GT, two Triumph TR-7’s, and an ancient Porsche 924.

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Even people who know nothing about cars, know that there are cheap cars and there are expensive cars, and there are cars in between. It’s a pretty simple concept.

People automatically assume that a more expensive car is, by definition, a better one. You pay more, you get more. There’s a reason that a $10,775 Hyundai Accent has a 1.6L 110bhp engine, and a $320,000 Mercedes SL65 AMG Black has… 670 horsepower.

Still, when you boil cars down to their most basic, they all do the same thing (if they’re working): you get in them, turn them on, operate the controls and they transport you from starting point A to destination B. A $10,775 Accent Coupe then is exactly the same as the $320,000(estimated) SL65 AMG Black. Obviously, this makes no sense! There must be something, some reason for Gallardo’s to exist!

Of course there is. Otherwise, it’d be a pretty bleak world for us car guys to exist in. Here are some of my findings I attained after exhaustive research.

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The PCA (Porsche Club of America, as opposed to the SPCA) has a relatively strong presence in my locale of Raleigh, NC. Maybe it’s because Raleigh is one of those booming up-and-coming towns, but when there is an “exotic car show”, the turnout is always impressive. I’ll begin with this little gem of a picture:

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One of the most rewarding experiences you can have while driving a car is attacking a truly challenging piece of tarmac. At least, that’s my opinion. Some people get their jollies from heads-up drag races. That’s interesting once; then the result is the same every time if your technique is any good. Revs up, drop clutch, spin tires lightly, hold till redline, clutch and shift, rinse, repeat, snore. Great, your Mustang runs 13.1 seconds in the quarter mile.

But a good road is different every time you go down it. On a long curvy piece of tarmac, there is an infinite number of permutations as to how you can take it, what line to follow, how late to brake and which gears to use. On a truly good road, a better driver in a slower car will beat a mediocre driver in a more capable car every time. That’s why I love a good road. Plus, lateral g-forces are more fun that frontal.

The question then becomes: what exactly is the best conveyance to fling yourself down that favorite backroad like your hair’s on fire? The answer: there is no answer. Like the cat-skinning question (as an aside: who would want to skin a cat? That’s just mean. I love cats) there are many answers.

1) With A Scalpel

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Since I first understood a thing about cars, I’ve been a fan of the Colin Chapman school of automotive design. Chapman, for those not in the know, was the founder of a little sports car marque called Lotus. His basic design idea was “add lightness.” Extraneous components were not needed or welcome. It has been said that he would continue to remove material from a component until it failed, then add a little back in, and move onto the next one. This obsession with weight was obvious in the cars he made. Drive a Lotus Esprit and you can’t have a heavy right foot - the gas pedal hinge will bend under your foot. You want carpet in your Elise? The Porsche dealer is down the road, you wuss.

The reason for this isn’t hard to understand. Let’s break it down. What makes a car fast is, basically, it’s power-to-weight ratio: how many pounds is each horsepower burdened with? The less weight and the more power, the faster a car is going to accelerate (in a nutshell.) So there are two ways to make a car faster: add more power, or subtract more weight.

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Lost somewhere in the annuls of automotive history are some truly storied brands. Some are still around and largely ignored, whereas others have died out and faded away and out of the collective memory of drivers everywhere. This series aims to take a look at a few of these such brands and talk about how they started, how they ran, and why they failed.

First up on the block is the largely forgotten Alpine marque, hailing from France. Alpine was founded in 1955 by Jean Rédélé, a garage owner in Dieppe, France. He got his start post-WWII campaigning modified Renault 4CV’s in various racing events, including the Mille Miglia as well as various other circuit races and rallies. Rédélé’s 4CV’s offered significant improvements over the factory versions: more powerful engines, 5-speed close-ratio gearboxes instead of 3-speeds, and reduced weight from custom-made aluminum body panels. His continued experience with the 4CV lead to class wins at the Mille Miglia as well as the Coupe des Alpes, which is where the brand’s name is derived from.

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Editor’s Note: This is the second part of an article I intended to finish a few weeks ago. I got distracted. It happens.

Moving along in the dream garage, we come to an absolutely crucial choice:

6) 1995 Volvo 850 T-5R Estate

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Nowadays, most people take the safety features of their cars for granted. There aren’t really a whole lot of cars on the market that actually get bad crash test ratings from any of the various agencies that rate them. Rafts of standard airbags, stability control, antilock brakes, brakeforce distribution, electronic brake assist, and built in anti-submarining and crumple zones mean that even a base-model economy car isn’t a bad bet in a wreck. It hasn’t always been like this. There are still a few cars around that I would recommend not driving for the practical reason that they might end your life.
1) 2001-2004 Chevy Blazer 2-Door 2WD

Why: High occurence of rollover-related deaths due to inadequate roof structural integrity

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While I would love to write a very Jeremy Clarkson-esque piece on power and why old cars are boring, I won’t. Not because I disagree, but simply because I realize power is meaningless when stuck sitting in a soul sapping surround of gridlocked traffic. In this light, my dream car garage tries to balance street-ability, fun, and hoonage. I admit it is difficult, but I’ll give it a whirl. While we would all love smoke whirling and billowing from the rear tires of our very own dream car it is not practical, so here is my mix of brilliant engineering and old school muscle.

1.) B5 S4 Avant

2.7T Dolphin grey 6 speed with black leather interior. Engine modified with K04/20’s, 650cc injectors, water injection, OFE Southbend clutch, new boost tubing, radiator, and stealthy exhaust. Tinted tails and RS-4 front bumper riding on BBS gunmetal RC wheels and F&K suspension with Porsche 4 piston calipers front and rear. Equipped with front mount intercooler the car will boost 25psi and make 450 horsepower. Perfect for hauling some ass through the twisties, cruising on the highway, or hauling some lumber this car is good looking and quick to boot…

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