Teh Car Blogz

One of the most rewarding experiences you can have while driving a car is attacking a truly challenging piece of tarmac. At least, that’s my opinion. Some people get their jollies from heads-up drag races. That’s interesting once; then the result is the same every time if your technique is any good. Revs up, drop clutch, spin tires lightly, hold till redline, clutch and shift, rinse, repeat, snore. Great, your Mustang runs 13.1 seconds in the quarter mile.

But a good road is different every time you go down it. On a long curvy piece of tarmac, there is an infinite number of permutations as to how you can take it, what line to follow, how late to brake and which gears to use. On a truly good road, a better driver in a slower car will beat a mediocre driver in a more capable car every time. That’s why I love a good road. Plus, lateral g-forces are more fun that frontal.

The question then becomes: what exactly is the best conveyance to fling yourself down that favorite backroad like your hair’s on fire? The answer: there is no answer. Like the cat-skinning question (as an aside: who would want to skin a cat? That’s just mean. I love cats) there are many answers.

1) With A Scalpel

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This is the beginning of another new series called Uncommon Q-Ships. It’s meant to highlight some of the performance cars that are mostly forgotten now, cars that are surprisingly quick but mainly anonymous. These were the cars that the smart sports-car buyers got back in the day to fly under the radar. It’s a favorite genre of mine and hopefully this series will jog your collective memories.

My first nomination would be the Aero version of the old Saab 9000. The 9000 was Saab’s first effort at a full-on Luxury car, and it was co-developed along with three other cars to keep costs down: The Alfa Romeo 164, Fiat Croma, and Lancia Thema. This is why unlike all other modern-era Saabs, the 9000 had the key where it normally goes. Beyond that, though, it was all Saab: a 5 door full-size hatchback/sedan that came with turbo power. The original engine was Saab’s 2.0L 16v Turbo straight-four, with 175 horsepower. This is a first-generation 9000 with a nice set of wheels. Classy shape.

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Since I first understood a thing about cars, I’ve been a fan of the Colin Chapman school of automotive design. Chapman, for those not in the know, was the founder of a little sports car marque called Lotus. His basic design idea was “add lightness.” Extraneous components were not needed or welcome. It has been said that he would continue to remove material from a component until it failed, then add a little back in, and move onto the next one. This obsession with weight was obvious in the cars he made. Drive a Lotus Esprit and you can’t have a heavy right foot - the gas pedal hinge will bend under your foot. You want carpet in your Elise? The Porsche dealer is down the road, you wuss.

The reason for this isn’t hard to understand. Let’s break it down. What makes a car fast is, basically, it’s power-to-weight ratio: how many pounds is each horsepower burdened with? The less weight and the more power, the faster a car is going to accelerate (in a nutshell.) So there are two ways to make a car faster: add more power, or subtract more weight.

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One thing I’ve noticed about car magazines in the US (besides the boring ones like Consumer Reports) is that above anything, they like to emphasize acceleration as a defining characteristic of a car’s worth. It’s not hard to notice. On the front cover of the latest Car and Driver, they have a few headlines. The big one proclaims “The Fast Lane!: BMW 135i, 0-60 4.7s.” Further down there’s “Nissan GT-R 0-60 3.3.” At the bottom, in small font is “The Slow Lane: Smart ForTwo, 0-60 14.4s.”

Let me be the first one to say: Who gives a shit how fast a Smart Car gets to sixty miles an hour? No one’s going to be drag-racing from light to light in their Smart. A Smart is an economical fashion accessory, like a Swatch (imagine that!) It’s a conversation piece. It’s the new Prius. The only people racing smarts are the ones with Smartuki conversions, so all three of them. The 0-60 time on a Smart is about as relevant as the fuel efficiency of a dump truck.
But this is America, where we have (comparatively) cheap gas, the roads are wide and straight, and if you’re not going 80 on the highway, you’re getting run over. So magazines shout about how fast a car can reach 60 - which is a pretty arbitrary number.

There are a lot of fast cars out there. But let me let you in on a secret: some of them really, truly suck.

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