As a VW owner and enthusiast, I am familiar with the concept of improving a car through aftermarket modifications. There is quite a large percentage of Volkswagens on the road with at least something done to them. It’s because VW’s (and of course, Audis) respond particularly well to small modifications. I’m sure this is largely due to the ubiquitous 1.8L 20-valve Turbo engine (commonly known as the One-Eight Tee. Natch.)
Since I first understood a thing about cars, I’ve been a fan of the Colin Chapman school of automotive design. Chapman, for those not in the know, was the founder of a little sports car marque called Lotus. His basic design idea was “add lightness.” Extraneous components were not needed or welcome. It has been said that he would continue to remove material from a component until it failed, then add a little back in, and move onto the next one. This obsession with weight was obvious in the cars he made. Drive a Lotus Esprit and you can’t have a heavy right foot - the gas pedal hinge will bend under your foot. You want carpet in your Elise? The Porsche dealer is down the road, you wuss.
The reason for this isn’t hard to understand. Let’s break it down. What makes a car fast is, basically, it’s power-to-weight ratio: how many pounds is each horsepower burdened with? The less weight and the more power, the faster a car is going to accelerate (in a nutshell.) So there are two ways to make a car faster: add more power, or subtract more weight.
this one came to me in a stroke of brilliance yesterday after, I don’t know, perhaps my 7th cup of coffee. Want a fast car? But also want to be ecologically responsible and reduce our dependence on foreign oil? Well you’re going to need a few things.
1) 1980’s (W123) Mercedes Benz diesel wagon (300TD)
The W123-generation Benzes are undeniably badass. They’re rock solid, reliable as the changing of seasons, and classy in a way that no modern Benz ever will be. They’re just a bit short on power. So what they need is…
Editor’s Note: This is the second part of an article I intended to finish a few weeks ago. I got distracted. It happens.
Moving along in the dream garage, we come to an absolutely crucial choice:
6) 1995 Volvo 850 T-5R Estate
With some cars, it’s not hard to see the performance hidden beneath a layer of boring, anodyne stockness. Cars like 1.8 Turbo Audi A4’s. They’re not quick from the factory but a few choice extra bits can get you a whole lot of shove. Most people who know cars know this, which seems to me to make the feat a whole lot less impressive.
Many people pick up sport compacts and modify them because they think it makes them more clever than the domestic drivers. “I’m getting 300 wheel horsepower out of my four cylinder!” is a good rallying cry when proclaiming your superiority of dumbestics. (Actually, that’s up for debate.) But really, is there anyone who knows cars who is surprised you can make a really fast SRT-4? If that’s a secret, then so is that whole Clinton-Lewinski affair debacle. I mean, hooray. You can put a chip, a diverter valve and a downpipe on your GTI and then you have a lot of extra power. But you’re not original.
No, what appeals to me are cars that no one would ever expect to be fast. Cars that even surprise true died-in-the-wool car guys. Here are a few ideas.
1) Toyota Matrix
I understand the appeal of an old, creaky rare project car. I really do. The joy of the hunt as you track down that elusive NOS water pump, perhaps the cracked cam belt or crank position sensor. The joy and satisfaction you get when you crank the key on your 30 year-old obscure French car and the engine actually turns over has got to be second to none.
Sometimes, though, you get into the problem of the law of diminishing returns when it comes to project cars. Do you really feel like dumping $10k into an engine rebuild for your DeLorean, and then have a 130hp V6 that runs well? What, exactly would the point be? Sometimes you just need to say “fuck it” and start with a nice, blank slate. And by blank slate, I mean a Small-Block Chevy engine.
I’ve come to realize one thing that bonds “car guys” together, even if they don’t know it. No matter who you are, what you’re into, where you’re from or how old you are, you have that “dream project” floating around your head. You might ponder on while sitting in a soul-crushing sales data meeting. You might imagine it as you fall asleep to bring ease to your mind. Hell, you might even be picking the right A/R ratio for that huge turbo while your girlfriend goes on about shoes. Whatever it is, you know you have one.
