On Hot Rods: Making Malaise into Magnificence
With some cars, it’s not hard to see the performance hidden beneath a layer of boring, anodyne stockness. Cars like 1.8 Turbo Audi A4’s. They’re not quick from the factory but a few choice extra bits can get you a whole lot of shove. Most people who know cars know this, which seems to me to make the feat a whole lot less impressive.
Many people pick up sport compacts and modify them because they think it makes them more clever than the domestic drivers. “I’m getting 300 wheel horsepower out of my four cylinder!” is a good rallying cry when proclaiming your superiority of dumbestics. (Actually, that’s up for debate.) But really, is there anyone who knows cars who is surprised you can make a really fast SRT-4? If that’s a secret, then so is that whole Clinton-Lewinski affair debacle. I mean, hooray. You can put a chip, a diverter valve and a downpipe on your GTI and then you have a lot of extra power. But you’re not original.
No, what appeals to me are cars that no one would ever expect to be fast. Cars that even surprise true died-in-the-wool car guys. Here are a few ideas.
1) Toyota Matrix
The Toyota Matrix isn’t exactly what most enthusiasts would call exciting. It’s easy to see why. It’s basically a stretched-out Corolla stuffed full of features that only old, boring people would find appealing. Really, a plastic rear floor so your potted plants don’t get dirt on the carpet on the way home from Home Depot? How exciting. Wow, a 115v power outlet. What’re you going to use it for, grandpa? Your respirator?
But beneath this veneer of “oh fuck it, I just want a car” there lies performance potential. The new Matrix is available with an optional 2.4L VVT 4 cylinder that makes roughly 160 horsepower and quite a bit of low-end torque. TRD sells a supercharger for this same engine, to fit in the Scion tC coupe. I can’t imagine it would be too challenging to get it to fit. Upgrade the injectors, maybe pop in some forged rods, fit an underdrive pulley to that blower, slap on a nice intercooler, reprogram the ECU, and you’re probably good for at least 270 horsepower. TRD also sells a helical limited-slip differential which I’m sure you could get to fit. Slam the crap out of it on some genuine TRD coilovers, a nice set of AEM rotor upgrades, etc etc and you have a really rather quick car that looks like a boring Toyota Appliance. The torque curve would be crazy, too. The only thing I’d worry about would be the transmission. That 5-speed is the stoutest FWD transaxle that Toyota makes, and more than doubling the output might put it at a bit of risk. The good news is that it’s a Camry engine and a Camry transmission, and those aren’t exactly hard to find. Build you a badass Matrix and go stomp some Mustangs. What could be more satisfying?
2) Dodge Spirit R/T
The Spirit R/T is proof, if there is any, that hoonery can still exist even in the darkest hours of automotive history. The standard Dodge Spirit was the descendent of the undeniably awesome Dodge Dynasty, which was a facelift of the original k-cars, which were unmitigated steaming piles of shit. Your average Dodge Spirit was blessed from the factory with 90-something horsepower and the inability to outaccelerate father time. After Carrol Shelby’s twisted engineers got their hands on it, the Spirit R/T had a whopping 224 horsepower. This was acheived by a 2.2L twin-cam sixteen valve four with a big fat turbo strapped to it. Although not what anybody would call “refined”, the Spirit R/T was certainly rapid on an absurd level. Some magazines claimed it could reach 60 mph from a standstill in 5.9 seconds, which is barely believable when you remember - It’s a Dodge Spirit. And since it’s already turbocharged, that’s just the starting point. I’ll give an example to show my point: there are guys out there with mid-eighties Chrysler Minivans with 2.2 Turbos running low 12’s in the quarter. With full interiors. In Minivans. Imagine starting in a much lighter car that has a much better flowing head, more top-end power, and already another 80 horsepower or so from the factory. Yeah, a Spirit R/T is a pretty solid way to go very fast for very little money. And also, can you think of anything more embarassing than getting spanked in your shiny new WRX by a Dodge Spirit?
3) Volvo 850 T-5 (Or Turbo)
As far as cheap performance cars go, Volvos are pretty roundly ignored. Being an open-minded guy, I find it rather difficult to see why - I mean, if it’s an image thing, why does everyone love the Grand National? It’s just as cheesy and square looking as any other 80’s conveyance. Perhaps they’re ignored because of the stigma of being a “professor’s car.” Or a soccermom-mobile. Whatever the cause, there are a lot of gearheads out there missing out on a lot of cheap horsepower in the form of a Volvo 850 Turbo. From the factory, the 2.3L 20v five-cylinder had 222 horsepower (or more depending on year/model… the 850R’s and T-5R’s had 240/250.) Since they use non-proprietary Mitsubishi TD04 turbochargers, that means that “big turbo” upgrades are both easy, and inexpensive. The internals on the engine are strong enough to withstand a ton of extra power. Source a TD04-18g from something, strap that sucker on along with your basic bolt-on (downpipe, exhaust, injectors, secondary fuel pump and ECU reprogamming) and you’ve got yourself a 300whp turbo Volvo rocketbrick for not a whole lot of cash. Plus they’re just damn nice cars to drive, too.
4) Ford Festiva
Oh yes. Ford Festiva. The recipe for this one is actually pretty simple and cheap. The only challenge is finding the parts. Take one late 80’s/early ninties Ford Festiva (probably $300.) Take one B6T (engine from the Mazda 323 GT-X/GTR as well as the Mercury Capri XR3 Turbo.) Shake well. Slap on T3. Spin wheels through third gear, rinse, repeat, spank Camaros. The B6T was a cute little 1.6L 16v four with a blower that came in the aforementioned Mazdas and the Capri. They’re not that easy to find, but not that expensive, and bolt almost directly into the Festiva. They also have five speed transmissions, which bumps your Festiva from 70 or so horses to 160 or so, with an extra gear to play with. How can you say no?
Well, that’s all for now. Stay tuned for more!
April 15th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Turbos were Chrysler’s all-purpose way of upping horsepower in the 1980s. Unfortunately, the engine’s longevity was greatly hampered by the addition of a turbocharger, and you were VERY LUCKY if one lasted 100k miles. When the 2.2 turbo first came out for MY 1984, MOTOR TREND got 0-60 in 7.5 from that engine in the E-body New Yorker. I don’t think the Spirit came from the Dynasty more than it came from any other Chrysler K-variant (Sundance, LeBaron GTS, etc.) in those years. I bought a 1989 Spirit LE new. It had the base 2.5 (100 hp) engine + automatic. It was still FAR more drivable (faster/smoother/responsive) than my 1983 Reliant SE 2.2 (94 hp) + automatic which preceded it. (Yes, James, these were during my young-and-stupid years, which required “calm” automobiles to cut my insurance rates.)