In Defense of GM… No, seriously.
These days it seems the only sport approaching the popularity of Bush-bashing is that of GM-bashing. It’s not hard to see why; it’s so easy. Piss-poor product, short-sighted development strategies, a thick-headed and outspoken (even if rather charismatic) CEO, plummeting stock prices, constant problems with the UAW as well as third-party suppliers, and the general prevalence of the stench of “fuck-up” in most everything they do. Making fun of GM is analagous to saying “You know, SNL just isn’t as funny as it used to be.” We know, goddamit, get over it.
GM invested billions in the GMT-900 platform (new Yukasuburbalade) as well as their full-size trucks right as gas crested $3.00 a gallon and oil prices crept north of $100/barrel. The market for personal-usage full-size pickups tanked. Sales of the Silverado are down 24.9% compared to last february and down a rather cringe-worthy 17.4% YTD. At least they’re not Dodge; sales of the abysmal Durango are down 39.5% compared to last February and 35.8% year-to-date. Give it up, the bubble popped already.
Still, there are a few sayings many people attach to GM. One of them is “GM cars run poorly longer than most cars run at all.” EGR-related engine-coolant ingestion on pushrod 3800 V6’s aside, this is pretty much true - just count how many piece of shit Buicks you see from the mid-eighties on any given day. It’s shocking. I have my own saying to describe GM, though. “When GM makes a car, it’s either good or bad. When it’s good, it’s damn good. When it’s bad, it’s an absolute Charlie Fox.”
The evidence to support this is overwhelming. It seems with GM there is no middle ground for cars, nothing average. Can you believe that the Corvette and the Aveo come from the same brand? Or how about the CTS and the DeVille?
I do see the occasional light at the end of the tunnel, though. GM has made some tremendously interesting cars in the past. To me, the highlight of GM’s awesomeness was the mid-to-late eighties through the early ninties. Sure, they cranked out some absolute shitboxes (see the above picture of Cimarron.) But they were also just absolutely bursting from the seams with creative engineering, and desirable products. Sometimes.
For one thing, it seems that some time around 1984, GM went “Oh! Turbochargers, right!” Then proceeded to stick them on damn near everything. Including J-Bodies. Yup, Sunbird Turbo, bitches. Of course this one has a T3 Super 60 trim and huge injectors and makes like 300whp, but whatever.
Things got really interesting though, when GM introduced exhaust-driven hairdryers to their venerable 3.8L Pushrod V6. The 231 cubic inch V6 with a Garrett T3 turbo was first introduced in 1978 in the Buick Regal, and was pretty thoroughly ignored. When the Grand National trim appeared in 1984, though, people noticed. While the earlier Regal Turbos breathed through either 2bbl or 4bbl carbs and made 150 or 170 horsepower, the ‘84 Grand National had electronic fuel injection and 205 horsepower/300 lb-ft of torque - which was a proverbial shit-ton in the 80’s. It also had stiffer suspension, a short 3.42 final drive ratio with a limited-slip differential, and electronic boost control for improved driveability. It was a black, tire-smoking, Mustang-eating badass in the age of poorly made, poorly engineered cars that could barely get out of their own way. The Grand National received continual improvements during it’s 3-year production span, gaining an air-to-air intercooler in 1986, boosting power to 235 horsepower and 330 lb/ft, which enabled the GN to hit sixty in five seconds flat. Which was fairly embarassing for the Chevrolet engineering department, as it was considerably faster than the Corvette.
There was also the very limited-production GNX (547 made) which was re-engineered by ASC McLaren. Numerous internal and external changes to the engine yielded a (very conservative) 276 horsepower and 360 lb/ft of torque, which enabled the GNX to sprint to sixty in 4.6 seconds. In 1987, the only faster-accelerating production car in the world was the Ferrari F40. Seriously.
There was also the Callaway-engineered, factory-option Twin Turbo Corvette (RPO B2K for you nerds out there), the GMC Syclone and Typhoon which used a 4.3L version of the Grand National’s engine in a small pickup with electronic all wheel drive (see This post for more info on the Syclone and it’s closed-roof twin, the Typhoon.) There was even an ASC-McLaren engineered V6 Turbo version of the Pontiac Grand Prix.
At the time, though, they were also cranking out absolute shitheaps. The dust-buster minivans were a hilarious failure, the Cadillac Allanté was an unmitigated pain in the ass, and the Caprice looked like a beached whale (and weighed about as much.) Still, how can you hate when they were making these?
The Corvette ZR-1 was Chevrolet’s bid at a true American Supercar. Equipped with a 32-valve, quad-overhead cam 350ci V8 designed by Lotus and built by Mercury Marine, the ZR-1 (the only overhead cam Corvette, ever) made 375 or 411 horsepower depending on the year, and could break 180 miles an hour - in 1990. While the high sticker price ($60,000+, the ZR-1 option more than doubled the base Corvette’s price) eventually caused demand to dwindle and production to end early, the ZR-1 was a sign that while GM might stumble, somewhere in there is a group of engineers that really know what the hell they are doing. This car took the world by storm in 1990 and is probably still permanently attached to some walls in poster form. It was a sign that America was alive and kicking, and wasn’t going to take any shit.
Even today, there is hope for GM. Amid the garbage (Chevy Uplander? Seriously?) there are some real gems in GM’s lineup. The new Cadillac CTS is an astonishly good car with an astonishingly nice interior, a breathtaking exterior design, a seriously potent set of powertrain options, and a very competent chassis. Just look at that interior.
There are the Pontiac Solstice and Saturn Sky twins, which are just simply hot as all get out, there’s the new 2.0L Direct Injection turbo engine which makes a whoppnig 260 horsepower, there’s the completely badass RWD V8-powered Pontiac G8, there’s a sexy new retro-styled Camaro on the horizon, there are hybrids for the greenie weenies, Saturn actually has an attractive small car, and the Saab 9-3 Turbo X is going to be simply awesome. And then there are two news cars, the entire reason this article exists: the new Corvette ZR-1 and the new Cadillac CTS-V.
Both use 6.2L aluminum-block pushrod V8’s with centrifugal superchargers. The Corvette makes an “are you serious?” 620 horsepower, and the lightly detuned CTS-V still makes a faintly ridiculous 550 horsepower. The ZR-1 promises a 200+mph top speed, an 11 second quarter mile ET out of the box, 1.0+g of lateral acceleration, and a very, very clear sign that GM still has the balls, the money, and the creativity to make cars that completely kick ass.
Plus, just look at the thing.
For every flop at GM there seems to be a home run, a bulls-eye, a car that’s worthy of a damn poster. They have a long way to go, but to me, there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel.
Till next time, keep on drivin’.
-James